Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
