Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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