the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We are all done wearing pants today
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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