I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
