i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
