A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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