Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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