Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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