Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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