Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
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