Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
