R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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