so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
