yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
