Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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