I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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