he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
