covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
