why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
