Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
