let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
