i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
