Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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