im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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