are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
