I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
