you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
