Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
And the cops told us we were all naked.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
