I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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