He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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