Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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