I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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