When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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