Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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