How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
