You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
