I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
