i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
