Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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