I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
