NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Randomize
