We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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