We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
