the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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