lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
My vagina just recognized that song.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
