saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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