I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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