If that was your dad, he is hot
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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