Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
