His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
