Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
